• It costs money
• It costs time
• There are too many choices
• I'll have to try it on

I recently bought a couch...on the internet...the biggest mall in the world.

Buying a couch online is like finding a boyfriend on a dating app.

I'll be eating, sleeping, relaxing, working and creating on "him".

The search was exhaustive.

I entered my preferences on Amazon, Wayfair, Ikea, Rooms to Go and

all the other pop-up furniture apps that claimed they had the perfect match.

Single, white female looking for beachy charm, sturdy frame, supportive,

long term relationship.

Must enjoy TCM movie channel, sandy feet and unexpected bursts of swearing.

I began my search in April and in June my "boyfriend" arrived.

He arrived in three large, heavy boxes.

WTF? I have to build him? He needs constructing?

Guess I missed that detail on his profile.

I gathered up all my rage at having to assemble him and dragged him in.

The unexpected bursts of swearing began and lasted for 2 hours and 20 minutes.

He never flinched.

I collapsed in his sturdy frame in a sweaty, hoarse-voiced, triumphant heap.

He had it all!

Storage under the chaise, he'd hold my drinks, he was easy

to move around and he converted to a bed!

The search was worth it even if it takes 2 years to pay for him.

He's really been a gem and very easy to break in.

He's tolerated spills, crumbs, sandy feet, old movies and

unexpected bursts of swearing all while keeping his beachy charm.

I'm currently shopping for pillows.

Single, white female looking for beachy charm, colorful, whimsical couch pillows.

Must enjoy being drooled on, thrown, squished and unexpected bursts of swearing.

MUST be fully sewn and assembled!